We are soldiers of an un-understood warfare. There is something that happens within us that cannot possibly be comprehended. There is a long journey ahead for me and many others, but in these times we have proven that we at least have a little strength and perhaps we can actually bear whatever comes our way. And perhaps I have just learnt that I actually do want to stay in this world for as long as I can.
There is something in it now that makes it more beautiful. More appealing. During treatment, whenever I found myself feeling like I no longer want to fight, something small would happen. The littlest things- seeing my best friends little girl, finding a new piece of music I want to learn on the piano, a sunshower in the back garden. These things may only be small, but they made me realise that life is worth the fight that some of us have to muster.
I realise now that I do have strength and courage. My courage is excersised in the strength to breath from one moment to the next-nothing more. Courage is allowing the needle to enter my skin. Strength is not pulling away when I see those black packages full of poison. Faith is walking through the door of the chemo unit. Ambition is waking up each mornign anew.