I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. That I can't be more brave or more strong. I'm sorry that many nights this thing gets the better of me . I feel sore tonight, and have been as sick as chemo ever made me. The oncologist has said that my constant stomach upsets are a side effect of the treatment, my system is trying to clear the toxins from my body and rebuild the tissue in my lymph areas.  
I feel so alone and no longer try to look for the words to explain my condition to others. Now, I just stay quiet. After all, it's been a while now. That's what they would say. Even if they didn't voice that, I would imagine that's what they were thinking.


It has been too many nights with, to now be suddenly without. I'm sorry.